I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
