Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
