My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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