I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
