it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
