I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is the high leading the old right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
