i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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