Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
whose parrot is this?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
