I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
