I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
