it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
