im having a threesome with these popsicles
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
