its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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