Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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