Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil

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  (916): You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil http://tfl.nu/tid3
  Replies (5) Good night (1011) Bad night (520)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am spending my child support on dildos

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  (405): I am spending my child support on dildos http://tfl.nu/j7aa
  Replies (78) Good night (1284) Bad night (4028)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option

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  (403): i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option http://tfl.nu/a69i
  Replies (11) Good night (719) Bad night (4746)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...

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  (904): I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem... http://tfl.nu/1w4y
  Replies (43) Good night (5652) Bad night (865)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.

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  (770): At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night. http://tfl.nu/xigq
  Replies (5) Good night (4545) Bad night (1339)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.

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  (660): I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym. http://tfl.nu/tj7a
  Replies (7) Good night (3629) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism

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  (856): She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism http://tfl.nu/a0zc
  Replies (16) Good night (1572) Bad night (903)
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  (323): View more from California

  It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent

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  (323): It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent http://tfl.nu/xdm3
  Replies (12) Good night (2896) Bad night (791)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.

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  (503): Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in. http://tfl.nu/17i8
  Replies (1) Good night (1112) Bad night (530)
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  (958): View more from

  her vagina just converted me to Judaism.

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  (958): her vagina just converted me to Judaism. http://tfl.nu/z5ti
  Replies (5) Good night (1280) Bad night (484)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator

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  (513): I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator http://tfl.nu/52sx
  Replies (7) Good night (804) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING

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  (205): That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor. (1-205): WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING http://tfl.nu/uvee
  Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?

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  (217): Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices? http://tfl.nu/ss4x
  Replies (0) Good night (741) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.

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  (410): I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME. http://tfl.nu/hzsz
  Replies (1) Good night (925) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with

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  (606): So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with http://tfl.nu/4l7x
  Replies (1) Good night (232) Bad night (444)

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