is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"