Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?