i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want