If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
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Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list