I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.