Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
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Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.