i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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