So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm at about main and main street
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My feet surprised me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
