I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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