i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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