the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
