No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
