I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
