i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
