he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
