you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
