dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
