Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
