Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
