i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
