WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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