We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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