You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We are two peas in an std pod
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
