Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
