he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
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Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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