i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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