so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
