the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
