Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
