Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
