I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
