I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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