My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
