I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
