hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
even my farts smell like vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
