omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
