It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
