did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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