party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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