I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
