get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
