I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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