great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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