Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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