Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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