God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
