Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize