so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
